How teenagers get into trouble:
Gradual, multiple frustrations, often including weakened family connections and an inability to acquire the skills needed to negotiate adolescence.
Criticism and rejection can trigger overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and anger, while a simple compliment can elate and inspire. Teens lack experience, and therefore perspective.
The way teens negotiate new responsibilities and challenges contribute to their identity.
Teenagers want to be thought of as individuals who can make their own decisions, and their struggles to be independent take many forms. They experiment and challenge their parents preferences and values. But they continually look over their shoulders to see what their peers are doing because they need reinforcement from others like them.
Problems that can lead to trouble:
Depression
Alienation
Anger
Experience of abuse and neglect
School difficulties – academic deficiencies, failure to adjust to school, handle academic demands
Neurological problems
Experience of criticism and rejection
Parental problems:
Overindulgence
Overpermissiveness
Overcontrol
Inconsistency
Set limits, hold them, in cases where you choose to make an exception clearly state that you are making an exception and that another infraction will definitely result in punishment/consequences.
Not negotiable:
Drinking
Helping around the house
Using drugs
Attending school
Treating others with politeness and respect
Dangerous situations
School dress codes
Reasonable limits are a ladder you build for your children to climb. Be firm and considerate.
Avoid threats and put-downs.
Its 11:30 on a school night and your child is still watching TV:
“David, last week you told us that you would get eight hours of sleep each night if we didnt bug you. So we want to give you a chance to prove yourself.”
Offer an explanation for the rules you set but dont apologize for the limits you set.
